How Do We Forgive Our Fathers?

How Do We Forgive Our Fathers?
by Dick Lourie*
January 26, 2009

How do we forgive our Fathers?
Maybe in a dream
Do we forgive our Fathers for leaving us too often or forever
when we were little?

Maybe for scaring us with unexpected rage
or making us nervous
because there never seemed to be any rage there at all.

Do we forgive our Fathers for marrying or not marrying our Mothers?
For Divorcing or not divorcing our Mothers?

And shall we forgive them for their excesses of warmth or coldness?
Shall we forgive them for pushing or leaning
for shutting doors
for speaking through walls
or never speaking
or never being silent?

Do we forgive our Fathers in our age or in theirs
or their deaths
saying it to them or not saying it?

If we forgive our Fathers what is left?


* This poem is read during the last scene in Smoke Signals. It was
originally published in a longer version titled “Forgiving Our
Fathers” in a book of poems titled Ghost Radio published by Hanging
Loose Press in 1998

Watch the scene from Smoke Signals here

Long Island's Gold Coast rant......

I am an architect fanatic, It is awesome to see how a person can look at cement/brick/etc and make it exquisite, eye candy. It is an art that makes people wow... I appreciate the art of a structure... which is why no matter where I write I will always post photos and/or talk about a building etc. It really bothers me when a building is built to perfection (took years to build back then) by famous architects with hand crafted details that only an artist of that trade can delight us with and the inside of these buildings having remnants of historical around the world artifacts that the designer took care in placing so.... the designer and owner can bring the world to us here in the U.S, Buildings that were inspirations for things like great art and great writings..... and then the damn place eventually gets demolished. In the future we will never have old U.S. historical sites for our young to see if they keep demolishing the freaking buildings...Does everything in this country have to be new???? WTF

WR Hearsts' Lands End, scholars believe is the inspiration for Daisy Buchanan's house, is in the 'blue-blooded' Sands Point across the water, the basis for East Egg.

The Beacon Towers (photo posted) is thought to be the inspiration behind Jay Gatsby's West Egg mansion, which was demolished in the 1940s.. Both mansions belong to WR Hearst.

 The Beacon was demolished in 1940 and Lands End in 2011...seriously!!

The Three S's - Snow, Sickness and School or It's Winter"

It's funny how every winter for the past seven years it has been the same...snow and plenty of it, colds, flu, bronchitis, and of course school. This is my last winter semester I will be a student and I am really sad about that. I need to be in school, its the only place I am happy and the only place I am surrounded by people I can relate to. Nothing is more stimulating then a conversation about theory, literature, travel or maybe even an art piece. I need this. It's sad how outside of school the conversations are so different, boring. unintelligent mostly. My own family doesnt even care to hear what I have learned.  Maybe its too much for them or maybe they are tired of hearing it... I am not sure.   My son is working on his PHD so he listens as I do to him. We once had dinner at my son and daughter-in law's house, their dinner guest was a Harvard lawyer and his wife who is a teacher. I was so excited because I knew I was in for some great conversation. Harvard...wow ...To most that means nothing but to me it's very impressive. Anyway we had a great dinner and they are an awesome couple. My son's PHD will be in Film Theory...guess what we talk about a lot...LOL

I have a few expertize thanks to my choice of study. My undergrad is Liberal Arts but  I focused on Native American Studies, Film mostly Foreign, English Literature and Art theory, ( 20th Century Art/Architecture, Why America Looks This Way (American art Hudson River movement (my favorite) and many other American movements), Modernity in Art: The 19th Century.) I  also have a few psychology courses behind me as well.  My Master's will be in English Literature but my focus is Native American Film theory. I also have Pedagogy courses which will enable me to teach on a college level.

 I am now doing an Internship with Professor Hamilton who I mentioned and is shown in the photo below. Her class is Native American Literature and I get to show film and discuss the parallel between the films and the literature. This is just fun for me and no work.  Oh sure when I have my own class it will be work but as a tag- a- long its easy, all I have to do is know the films and the readings, grade papers and tutor thats it! It's a breeze. I am also working on another Directed study with Professor Haltof, the film professor at Northern. I am watching westerns and writing a research paper. Not sure yet on the topic of the paper...but it will be interesting thats for sure...

Monday for me is a freebie day, I got all my work done...I will be heading to the library down the road from me because I need to get a few films and books. The Searcher's with John Wayne and the book about the movie. I have seen the movie already and I hate the racism in it. John Wayne's character is hateful to the native peoples. It's hard for me to watch. 

This is probably the most boring blog ever...LOL but its my Winter thoughts on this gloomy day, as I listen to Enigma radio, sip blueberry tea with honey to baby my lingering cold and watch the snow dust the parking lot.

Ciao for now....

A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM...lol

A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM


This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine .


Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, I purchased a week of personal training at the local health club.

Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress..
________________________________
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!
Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines... I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
________________________________
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. ? His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.
_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members.. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other crap too.
_______________________________
THURSDAY:
Butt hole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes.
He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny witch to find me.
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
_________________________________
FRIDAY:
I hate that Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the darn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
________________________________
SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel ..
________________________________
SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy . I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

Teaching.....

What a great way to spend 2 hours.....teaching others what I know. Thinking quickly, being able to answer questions where the student absolutely understands what you are trying to say. It's funny how I am completely relaxed when I am in front of a class teaching...I have so much to offer and I will do it through film.A good example of this is... movies like Thunderheart and Incident at Oglala which are based on the same event. One movie is the fiction version (based on facts) and the other is the documentary but both about Pine Ridge Reservation in the 1970s.... A.I.M.  American Indian Movement.. Read about Leonard Peltier and the incident on the rez watch the film and learn how the FBI treated the Native people.  I am a big fan of theirs and I studied and wrote many papers about A.I.M.  in school for the past 7 years. It is what I will be teaching along with the topic: Indian Boarding schools, Activism and  Movies that help with these topics along with literature.And the representation of the peoples in film which is actually what my degree focus is.
Some great movies to watch....
Older than America
Thunderheart
Smoke Signals
Pow Wow Highway
Incident at Oglala
Dance me Outside

New Year thoughts

Well the year of doom has come and I think I would welcome it except I have grandchildren and they have a lot of life in them. So I need to keep shoving. This is my year of graduation and I need to work extra hard these next two semesters which is one of my resolutions. My other is to stay clear of people who are short some brain cells. 2011 was filled with them. I have friends who I am close to and they are intelligent enough to keep in my life.
I am in search of a car again as always.I hate spending money on a car and if I didn't live in such a blistery cold climate and If I lived in a city which is what I want to do I wouldn't need a bloody car. I don't like them. Enough said about that.

 I am very excited about this semester because I will be teaching 4 films in EN 317 class. Native American Literature. I have lessons to prepare and the films to really get to know. The first film is Older than America. I spent all last semester watching it over and over and writing a paper on it. I think I will rewrite that paper one day using all the tips I got from my Professor. She's brilliant! I will also be watching lots of westerns. Not one of my favorite genres but I am actually looking forward to it. This semesters research paper will be on the languages used by the people in film. I got the idea from a film called REEL INJUN.

I also need to find work on campus. I wish I could be back at the Center. I heard April hired someone last semester not sure if it is true. If she only knew how bad I want to be there again. It's the only place I always felt comfortable. I love April she is hard core and very strict but she is so brilliant and  a woman of many resources. She is also very kind. My life is better for knowing April and I learned a lot from her. I would do anything for her all she has to do is ask and I am there...

Well another year hopefully a better one. I got myself into hot water a lot in 2011. I promised myself to stay away from certain people in my life, mind my own business and be more selfish at least until I graduate. I really have been thinking of NY and how easy it will be to go back for me contrary to what most say, "you never can go back" Well I easily adjust. I survived here for 20 years with no city near-by. I was always a city girl, I spent a chunk of my life in the Big Apple, worked there..played there, sat on the stairs of NY public Library and people watched ...I would simply jump on the LIRR and voila Manhattan, with all the noise and rush rush all the time, people everywhere like a colony of ants, the place of invisibility, now you see me, now you dont. ...I miss that terribly.

Well got to brave the cold and head to the bank...its been a long vacation thus far and I cant wait to being my last year of college although I am saddened by that thought.

Have a great New Year everyone.....

School

The pressure was on this semester, very annoying to be worried about grades so late in my school career.  I had a research paper due and had a lot of trouble with it for some reason. But my professor  is amazing and very helpful. Amy is right there for her students all the way. Even if she has only a minute to spare, she will spend it helping a student. She loves teaching and she loves learning from students that's obvious. I wish all the professors were like Amy Hamilton. When I begin my teaching career, I will remember to pass on my knowledge like Amy and have the patience and care for the students and the passion for teaching just like she does. Thank You Professor Hamilton

Amy is standing on the right....